I actually never bothered to watch The Toolbox Murders
on account it looked retarded, but after hearing that Tobe
Hooper had remade the film, along with noticing the occasional
site search popping up, and the fact I’m overdue for
a review, I decided to pick it up.
Well, I guess sometimes first impressions are more accurate
than you think.
The Toolbox Murders is the (supposedly true) story of a ski-masked
murderer who takes it upon himself to cleanse the world of
immoral women following the death of his daughter. He prowls
an apartment complex, picking off loose women with the assorted
carpentry tools, hence the film’s title. While it sounds
promising, the main murders of the film happen within the
first half hour. After that the film finally decides on a
main character and the rest of the film is wasted on a boring
protagonist trying to find his kidnapped sister, and an even
more uninteresting killer who believes the girl he’s
kidnapped to be his long dead daughter. Many of the scenes
drag on, with characters seemingly incapable of rational thought,
and dialogue befitting something more along the line of a
late night skin-emax detective story. While most horror films
of the 70’s seem to have a cult following of sorts,
(Stephen King is actually quoted on the cover saying the film
“Generates some genuinely scary moments.”), I
don't really find this film deserving. In my case, I hadn’t
been this bored with a horror film since Let’s Scare
Jessica to Death.
Now I’m not a big advocate of combining Freudian symbolism
with a feminist perspective when analyzing a horror film,
as I would liken it to using a chainsaw to dissect a frog
(much too heavy duty a tool for the job) but in the case of
the Toolbox Murders, I'm afraid that kind of “dissection”
would probably be applicable. It could be just a coincidence,
as there are so many terms for hard fucking that are applicable
to the usage of a handyman’s tools, but I do think there
is evidence to support this argument. You see a chick get
“nailed”, one get “hammered”, another
“screw(driver)ed”, and one get “drilled”
all within the first half hour. Mind you, most of these deaths
are fairly tame as far as splatter standards go, and cheesy
enough to elicit more laughter than shrieks, but for the most
part we do view the instruments of death through a fairly
phallic perspective. When preparing to drill his first victim
we sight down the long, spinning drill-bit as the killer aims
at his victim, and when preparing to nail his final victim,
he aligns the nail-gun primarily with his crotch. Only when
he actually aims to kill do the shots come from above waist
level. In that sense, I think the director was clearly going
for a thinly veiled symbolic rape of the offending, evil,
hippie/lesbian/loose women the killer targets. It also doesn’t
help that all the women are shown “performing”
stereotypical male fantasies. While surveying the apartment
complex the killer sees a woman dancing in her 1st floor apartment
window in her lingerie, only to later enter her apartment
while she is masturbating in the bathtub. One of his other
victims puts on a shower cap, gets in the shower with her
clothes on, then gets out and removes her cloths, puts on
a shirt (no pants), and goes outside to check the hallway
for “stuff.” It makes no logical sense at all,
but only serves to titillate us male viewers. Like I said,
in this case, I would have to agree with the fem-Freudian
viewpoint.
As far as the rest of the film goes there’s nothing
really to make it stand out from a host of other exploitation/splatter
films of the time, or to prevent even the most “virginal”
horror viewer from falling asleep. I will venture that I dug
the score, but that’s definitely not enough to save
this film from being a total mess.
The film’s mediocrity could also be reflected in the
content of the extras. No making of feature. No Cast reunion
doc. Just an interview with stag film star Kelly Nichols (proof
positive that one's nose does continue to grow, throught their
life) on how great it was to get naked, masturbate, and killed
on screen. She’s pretty proud of the fact that her death
was one of Stephen King’s favourites, and oddly pleased
by the fact that the film played in the theater that she worked
in when she was a teenager. She even says she took her brothers
with her to see her “performance.” The interview
is aptly titled, I Got Nailed In THE TOOLBOX MURDERS - An
interview with star Marianne Walters. Aside from that you
have an audio commentary with star Pamela Ferdin, D.P. Gary
Graver, and producer Tony DiDio (I didn’t bother to
listen), a theatrical trailer, a TV “spot”, a
collection of radio spots, a bio for star Cameron Mitchell,
and a poster and still gallery. The disc does gain some points
for having the most obnoxious chapter titles I’ve seen
this year (ie: “4. Screwed to Death”, “11.
Dead Girl’s Dildo”, “19. Incest and Murder”,
and “21. Virgin Rape.”) though the titles are
not indicative of anything quite as shocking within the film.
All in all, if you haven’t seen it, you’re not
missing much. There may be some horror fans out there that
wish to check out the film for a drunken party with their
closest buds, but aside from that, skip it.
